7.34 - The story of the Blue Pharaoh | Stuck Station

7.34 - The story of the Blue Pharaoh

Dec 09 2011 Published by under Chapter Seven

Stuck On: The Blue Pharaoh

Humanity’s first interstellar war made life difficult for historians.

Much survived the Xerxes Conflict (certain cliches, Pac-man, and a third of the human race) but so much was lost to the mists of time (cough syrup, the apron, and any concept of casual Fridays).

Another casualty of the 2107 war — besides the almost 30 billion actual casualties — was Earth's rich literary tradition.

Only 20 percent of poems, plays, books, and fairy tales still exist unscathed.

As such, historians are unsure where the concept of the Blue Pharaoh originated.  (Academics privately called the Xerxes Conflict "the war that made our jobs almost impossible.")

Through years of painstaking research, scholars have managed to piece together the story.

The tale is, at best, allegorical, and at worst, incomprehensible. Despite its brevity and somewhat unpolished style, the Story of the Blue Pharaoh is still popular in 28th-century human culture.

The Story of the Blue Pharaoh

Once upon a team, there was a block of wood that wanted to be a real boy. Out of nowhere, a blue pharaoh appeared.

Sensing the block of wood's plight, she used her magic wind to turn the piece of oak into Pancake-io, a tiny wooden action figure.

Eventually the blue pharaoh, who was a bit absentminded, remembered that the block of wood had wanted to be a real boy and not a poseable figurine.

So the Blue Pharoah transformed him into a human.

Then they were both eaten by a whale.

There also may have been a cricket involved.

The End.

6 responses so far

  • Kree says:

    My desire to punch 22nd century programmers in the nose until they download a copy of git or rsync notwithstanding, haven't these historians dug around fossilised city dumps or something? I have an old Encyclopaedia Britannica CD that even in this day and age qualifies as trash :P

    • John says:

      The Xerxes conflict was bad. Like half-of-the-earth-was-a-charred-cinder, bad. Plus there were some nasty infophages, software weapons that ate data. You enemy can't fight if you make it so he can't remember how to make a gun.

      By the way, Kree, you across the pond? I noticed you spelled "fossilised" a little different than us Yanks ... I could be wrong though. However, if you are, I just want to say ... that's so cool!

      • Kree says:

        Have they tried books? As I have been lead to believe by Doctor Who, books are forever :V

        As a matter of fact, I'm in the land down under! :D

  • trak42 says:

    speaking of places of origin I come from your north in Canada

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