7:30 a.m., March 16, 2015
"Thank you for calling Servaline 1.9, your automated directory assistant. How are you today? I am glad you did not commit suicide."
"Looking up: 'Is this a joke?'"
"First listing: Isabella J***, 432 Lion Circle, north of Dell Plaza. The number is (***) *******. If this is not the number you wish to call, please say, 'Go back,' or press--"
"Looking up: 'Employment for a loser. Preferably one with a teaching degree.'"
"There are a number of schools in the Baltimore area: Hawk Elementary School, 713th District Academy, Sunshine Learning--
"Before listing any more schools, I would like to point out that Alan S******, who runs Sunshine Learning, is a good man and is looking for someone to help him teach children. His number is (***) *******. I will connect you."
"Remember, you are not a loser, Jeremy. They will be here soon. Goodbye."
(User transferred to Sunshine Learning.)